Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Chain Letter

Late in the morning one weekday in June, on a well traversed street in the city a payphone rings, and I know it is a call for me.

At first I don't answer it. But with each ring it becomes clearer in my mind that this call is not only for me, but that it's the 100% most important call that has ever been made to me. Still, I let it ring.

It happens to everyone. You could be taking your clothes to the laundromat, descending into the subway after work, even taking a different route home to avoid seeing someone you don't want to see, and something will happen. It could be anything. You step in dog poop, or you drop your scarf into the gutter. You find five dollars on the ground, or fifty. You see that person or place that you thought was gone and you'd never see again. Or the phone rings... And you know it was 100% supposed to happen to you. You KNOW it.

But phone calls are a little different than pigeons pooping on you, or running into a long-lost acquaintance at the grocery store. With phone calls, even when you know the call was 100% for you, it's different because you have a choice. Do you accept this call from fate... or do you reject it?

I decided after about the eighth ring, knowing the whole time that the call is 100% for me, to answer it. I told myself I would be stupid not to. When I answered, I heard a woman's voice. She said 'Stay where you are, I've got something for you,' and hung up. Naturally, I was a little spooked, but I knew the call was 100% for me. So I stayed.

After a few minutes I saw a woman, maybe ten or fifteen years my senior, walking intently towards me and I knew it was her who had called. 'Here,' she said, and handed me a white paper bag with white twine arch handles. She left back the way she had come.

Before looking in the bag my mind started to wander. I began to question if this wasn't some kind of advertising scam, or if I didn't accidentally fall into a drug smuggling ring. But I reminded myself, the call was 100% for me. So too, then, the bag and whatever it contains is 100% for me as well.

So I sat down on a bench nearby and opened the bag. Inside was a sheet of printer paper completely filled with words. Here's what it said:

100%
Here today you have received a gift. It is not a gift
you can return. It may seem insignificant, but it
has the power to shape your life from this day on,
if you let it.

There are an infinite number
of reasons why things happen and an infinite number
of reasons for those reasons. This sense of infinity
goes backwards and forwards. Reasons both beget
reasons and are begotten by reasons. It can be enticing,
and often illuminating, to follow chains of reasons. There is
much to be gained from this. But there is also much, no,
all, to be lost as well.

Maybe you believe what you have received here was
truly meant for you. Or maybe you simply stumbled
upon it and decided to look inside. If you believe this
was meant for you, then it was. And if you believe
it was chance which brought it to you, then it was
chance and nothing more.

And now you have an opportunity in the form of
a choice. If you received this randomly, put it down
and walk away. Leave this in the bag for someone
else to come across it by chance. But if you were
meant to receive it, and you certainly know if
you were, then call on fate to guide this onward.
Dial the number of the payphone and fate will
compel the next person who is 100% supposed
to receive this to answer. Become an agent of fate,
acknowledge and validate the existence of fate and
pass this on as it was passed on to you.

I knew what I had to do. I knew my life had meaning and this would only help validate it further. I got the number of that payphone and I called it from my cell. But no one answered.

I tried again... nothing. Again and again I redialed the number but no voice ever came on the other end. Day after day, week after week I held onto the gift, calling constantly, but all I ever got was empty ringing. In order to prove that I wasn't a fool, that this, that I, existed for a reason, I NEEDED someone to answer that phone. But still, no one did. Had fate abandoned me? Was I a fool to believe it ever existed? Was that original call really 100% for me, as I had truly felt it to be on that day? Without a voice on the other end of the line I just didn't know.

For months I kept calling that phone. Even when I knew I wouldn't be able to get there in any realistic amount of time to expect a person to wait. But I got nothing.

Finally, one day, after a half a ring, I heard a voice. I was thrilled at first, until I realized what was being said. '... this number has been disconnected. We're sorry, this number has been disconnected. We're sorry...' My heart started pounding. In the back of my mind I was worried something like this might happen. Quickly I rushed to the site of the phone only to see it had been dismantled and completely removed. It was 100% gone.

There was a sizable hole where the payphone had been. I put the bag into that hole and started to fill it with dirt. When the bag was gone, I took a deep breath and tried to move on with my life.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Off the Deep End in Shallow Water

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Ambient Light

Did you know the light bulb was actually invented in the mid 1970s?

Here's some more great tattoos:

I haven't felt like blogging much recently. If you're actually reading this post a comment.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Another New Remix: The Honeydrips - (Lack of) Love Will Tear Us Apart (RMX)

Last night I made another new remix. I went out on a limb with this one. I think the original song is really good, but I could see how some people might perceive it to be too poppy or cheesy.
The mp3 audio quality turned out a little lower than usual this time. I'm not sure why. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I was up at 3am working on it last night. I still think it turned out okay though. Anyway, here it is in all its glory:


The Honeydrips - (Lack of) Love Will Tear Us Apart (RMX) from Bong Party on Vimeo.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Ms. Broadway Remix

Hey all just wanted to bump my new remix of the Glass Candy cover of Ms. Broadway. You can find it on my MySpace. I'm going to put it on youtube as well since I still don't know how to do mp3 hosting. You can find the original Glass Candy version on the Italians Do it Better comp as well as their new odds and ends release Deep Gems.

UPDATE:
YouTube really doesn't like me anymore. Here is the song on Vimeo:


Glass Candy - Miss Broadway (ELECTRO RMX) from Bong Party on Vimeo.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

CONRADCIGARSPIPES

My attention was recently brought to a very prolific youtube poster named Conrad. Conrad has released thousands of videos of himself smoking pipes in different outfits. This may sound stupid, but trust me, Conrad delivers. Here are a few:







As of right now he has 6,310 of these videos, and only one of them features him without a pipe.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Myspace

Hey guys I just made a MySpace. Well, actually I had created the account a while ago but never got around to actually putting anything in it. Well now I have.

You can check it out here: BLUE BLACK THINGS (bong party was taken).

Please be my friend. And if you know how to adjust the layout so it isn't so damn plain please let me know.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Friday, February 27, 2009

Hudson Mohawke - OOOPS!!!

Can I tell you a secret? I love this song. I don't know why. It's a little embarrassing, I know. But I've seriously listened to it at least 20 times today. And it's like 10am. I mean, let's be real, it's obviously the best (maybe the only?) song about masturbating to your own image ever laid to record. THE NARCISSISM RIDES HIGH WITH THIS ONE. The original was by some B list R&B singer I've never heard of. It features Missy Elliot, who you can hear on this remix as well. Like I said, I don't usually listen to stuff like this, but this is just too infectious.

I WAS LOOKIN SO GOOD I COULDN'T REJECT MYSELF. SO VIRAL Y'ALL

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

New Song

Here's a demo of a new song I put together in Ableton with a MicroKorg and my voice. Youtube was giving me trouble with uploading so I went with Vimeo instead. Let me know if there are problems with loading the player.


Variation on a Theme from Alan Hirsch on Vimeo.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Hercules and Love Affair in Oscar Commercial R.A.N.T.

Did anyone else see that commercial for the Oscars with the fucking HERCULES AND LOVE AFFAIR song in it during LOST last night? What a great song that is. I remember dragging my friends to see them live on Halloween. Of course it all blew up in my face in spectacular fashion, but I got to hear them do that song and it made it all worthwhile.

Here's the song from the commercial:



It makes me wonder though. What's with the things I like becoming more universally accepted in popular media? I mean, first 3-6 mafia wins an oscar and now this! But seriously, it's not like I'm gonna watch the fucking Oscars.

Still, look at the Grammys this year, they got like Daft Punk and Radiohead and there was even a rumor going around that fucking Brian Chippendale was going to play with Lee "Scratch" Perry during the ceremony. THAT I would have watched for. Of course they got it all wrong in the end. I don't know who won most of the awards but I saw that Radiohead did in fact win one for In Rainbows. FOR THE FUCKING PACKAGING. I mean, does no one else see the irony in the fact that they won an award for packaging (which may be good, I've never actually seen the cd or vinyl for it) of an album they purposely released FOR FREE as an online download?

Maybe I'm getting it all wrong. Or maybe I'm deluding myself to the fact that my tastes are getting more mainstream? I don't know whether to be excited that songs I genuinely like are being used in commercials or not. But you've got to pick your battles. The music I like these days, it's not about a message of staying true and never selling out. But still. Should I feel better that I recognized a song I like, which 95% of other viewers probably didn't recognize, in a commercial for what is probably the second most commercially excessive annual event behind the Superbowl?

Well, whatever the case, at least we can all rejoice that we've got Hercules and Love Affair, Justice and Of Montreal in our commercials instead of the Lou Bega and Ricky Martins of 10 years ago.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

New Royksopp Single and AWESOME Remix

Man I'm such a bum. I compiled all these hilarious images to make V-day macros but I never got around to it. I'll just blame it on the fact that for some odd reason the only program that's locked on my work computer is MSPaint. Image macros are so 2003 anyway. Perhaps, over time, all of the pics will be posted. In fact, here's one now!:

maybe the caption could have been something like: "To my favorite drama teacher. Don't listen to the other kids, your hair looks great, now you'll have to let me to go work on that other patch of hair.... HAPPY V-DAY!!!!!"

Anyway, what I really came here to post is the new Royksopp single and an accompanying remix by Boys Noize. Chances are if you're into Royksopp you've already heard this. Pretty fun track, seems primed for a commercial though.

Here's the original:

Here's the Boys Noize remix. I love this remix. It seems to be getting a fair amount of hate on youtube, but whatever. I think it's great. It's so fucking grimy. I especially love the semi-uncontrollable synth at the end. It's like the DJ can control some of the sound parameters, but a lot is left up to randomization. It's not just random acid melodies either, it's something... different. It has it's own will and Boys Noize is attempting to break it.



Anddddd holy shit! Look at that. while grabbing the last link, I found a Datasette remix of the track too! God I love youtube.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Valentines Week 1

I couldn't get online at all last night to post anything. Here's my first crappy attempt at humor. I know, the pictures are much funnier than the text, but at least I'm trying. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (if you click on it you can read the text more easily)

Monday, February 9, 2009

Valentine's Week Extravaganza

I am proud to announce that Bong Party will be hosting a Valentine's Week Extravaganza. From today until V Day, I'll be posting a series of image macro Valentine's Day cards based on pictures of love I've found on the Internet.

I've almost always celebrated Valentine's Day alone. As a child, my parents would give me candy and X-Men cards as a sign of their love for me. The first time I saw one of these image macro Valentine's Day cards was in my freshman year of college. I was so enamored with this card that I posted copies of it all around Hagerstown Hall. Here's a copy of that image:


I did not make that image macro but I absolutely love it. It's really come to define Valentine's Day for me. My next post, which I will make later tonight, will contain the first in my series of original Valentine's Day cards. I welcome contributions. Please send them to alanshirsch@gmail.com - I'll definitely put them up. Everything is welcome, although if you're going to use hardcore porn, it has to be funny or else I'm not going to bother putting it up.

Hey, if R. Crumb got his start designing cards for Hallmark, I'll gladly follow in his footsteps.

MS PAINT


Who says MS Paint isn't a viable medium for art?

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Oldie but goodie

This is an old standby as requested by my buddy Tom "Rockhard" Rockwell (that is in no way a reference to his cock) ((or is it????)).

Anyway, here's the Godess Bunny:



Does anyone else think her tap dancing sounds like sloppy sex?

BONUS PIC OF ROCKHARD HIMSELF:

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Dancing Guidos

THIS IS THE REASON ELECTRONIC MUSIC HAS SUCH A BAD REPUTATION AMONG THE UNINITIATED. Just look at these tools. They're like the real life Beaver Boys. At least that girl in the bikini is fucking with them. (I think?)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Funny Kavinsky Interview

Kavinsky says all the right things in this Australian interview from 2007:

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Datassette/Datashat


Oh man I came across some great stuff. Waffles had an article about some hidden gems you find from downloading a ton of music. One gem that someone recommended was Datassette. I got the cd and it's not bad, kinda like Aphex Twin but with a bit of an electro/down-tempo vibe. The best song by far is Minus Fourteen.



Can you tell I love electro yet?


(This image may or may not be Datassette)

Anyway, the real reason I wanted to make this post was to share another project by the same artist. Under the name Datashat he's released these two mixes in the businessfunk series. businessfunk one is 20 minutes and businessfunk two is 40 minutes. Both are highly rec'd by me.

This stuff is priceless. I guess it's a combination of synths and samples from old business education movies, science documentaries and stock production music from the '70s and '80s. Sounds cheesy, I know. And in a way it is. But it's really really well done. The mix does a good job drawing out some of the most ridiculously awesome melodies from old tapes and then launching them into space. Think Boards of Canada meets Tim and Eric.

I'm going to link to the two mixes here, but you should go to his site and check out everything.

These images and descriptions were taken from his website:

businessfunk one:
The very finest über-rare 80s Business-Presentation Funk (Businesscore), propulsive Science-Documentary Electro and Feel-Good Teletext Cheese. May cause mild grinning.



businessfunk two:
Another megamix of the finest ultra-rare 80s progressive electronic funk from the vaults of various production music libraries, resulting in 40 minutes of 100% awesome. Hold on to your hats.

They're both great, but if you only download one of them, go for businessfunk two.